Robert Allen is My Boy!

800-267-4152. Called 3 times in a 3-hour time span.

Now, either someone really wanted to reach me or it was just another telemarketer wreaking havoc on the world. Wary of 800 numbers (do you see a trend here? I'm really not this paranoid in real life), I envisioned an overweight, slightly unshaven pothead sitting on the other side of the line trying to convince me to sell my soul to The Man for the low, low price of $64,000/year. Too late, dude.

Reluctant to call the offender, I decided to do the next best thing--Google it! Curious to see what evils lay behind that esoteric combination of 10 numbers, my search eventually pulled up a long list of complaints about what turned out to be Robert Allen's "Enlightened Millionaire's Institute," or EMI, as it is affectionately called.

I don't know Robert Allen personally, but judging by other people's comments ("Apparently the service they provide is so useless that nobody wants it, and so they go out and harass people into taking their seminar"), he is not a universally-loved character. However, despite his unpopularity (or perhaps because of it), I found the whole idea intriguing and not altogether random. Someone wants to create wealth? For me? Could it be that they caught wind of my impending descent into the bottomless pit of usury whose trip holds no promise of return?

Periodically my mother will ask me: "are you sure you want to go to med school?" when she really means: "do you really want to be enslaved for 10+ years of your life while your beauty wastes away and you end up as an embittered old spinster conked out on crack?" Tired of fighting such rhetorical questions, I sometimes answer: "yeah. Maybe I should just become a writer and make millions." To which she replies: "you will never succeed in life without hard work. Don't worry, someone will give you money for school."

I can't help but think she misses the point.

Anyway, the greater point is that I could call the 800 number and ask to be taken off their phone list, but why would I want to do that? If what my mom says is true, then this Robert Allen could be the key to a wildly successful medical career.

Until that day comes, I'm putting 800-267-4152 on speed dial.