A New Way of Life

19 days.

It's been 2 weeks and 5 days since I've begun this ridiculous adventure into the world of action potentials, protein compositions, and Einstein's glial cells. Who would've thought that my life would have dichotomized so completely in a little less than a month? It was not so long ago that I was deep in my knees in Shakespearean literature, seeing life through the post-modernist eyes of T.S. Eliot. What a wasteland it is.

Happy memories. Memories of London, the Royal College of Surgeons, and the aroma of tasty pastys while traveling through the brightly colored Underground. I can just barely remember the joys of a great glass of wine, spending entire evenings and early mornings wandering around the city trying to keep my friends from passing out in the middle of the street in a drunken stupor.

Now what?

Now I drink beer in the middle of the afternoon after a 3-hr exam. Some things never change, and yet they're never quite the same.

I may never again eat another Digestive biscuit in Regent's Park, but I sure as heck am going to enjoy a bottle of wine with friends.

And this time I will know exactly why they're vomiting.

Donde estas, life?

As I embark on this lovely journey that is called medical school, there is one thing that becomes very apparent very quickly: you have no life. Having come out of the working world, I had heard rumors of this pseudo-state of isolation, but never actually allowed myself to believe in this sad, sad fact. In fact, as proof of my non-living status, I recently got a phone call that went as follows:

Someone in the Real World: "Hello, is this LAG?"
Me: Yes
SRW: I'm just calling to confirm a reservation for two at TenPenh for 5:30pm this evening
Me: Uhh....(clueless. Wondering if it has anything to do with posttranslational protein modification, which it clearly doesn't. Damn)
SRW: Ma'am? Are you still there?
Me: Um, could you just cancel that reservation?
SRW: Sure. We're sorry you can't make it, but we hope you will come back another time.

So after hanging up the phone I realized that I had made reservations for restaurant week with a friend of mine who went on vacation. That was when I was a real person and went out to places like restaurants, drinking wine and having normal non-science conversations with actual people. Now I just sit in my room and have conversations with myself about protein trafficking.

Yes, I'm going to savor this journey for the next four years.

"Healthcare is Not a Right"

Who knows what a can of worms I'm opening by posting this article, "Health Care is Not a Right", but I found it an interesting take on the whole debate. As a student about to enter into the morass called "American Healthcare," I thought it prudent to analyze whether or not socialized medicine is a good idea. To those who say that quality of care can never suffer (whether it be the perceived "nobility" of medical professionals or otherwise), I would suggest reading "Doctors Press Senate to Undo Medicare Costs" for consideration. Physicians are increasingly refusing to accept Medicare patients on the grounds that their practices need to stay financially solvent. Try telling that to the multi-million dollar insurance moguls who continue to lobby for more protection from House and Senate Republicans.

On a related note, the whole idea of "rights" being a moral prerogative is a fascinating one. Where did people get the idea that they are entitled to the services of another human being? When my mom loses her job, why isn't it her "right" to continue working at the company, forcing it to absorb the losses? Business seems to be the one aspect of American society that is "free" in the original sense of the word. They are "free" to hire and fire at will, and while they do provide compensation for perhaps a month after termination, it is a small price to pay for the savings that they reclaim. Insurance is just one big business, and all this talk about Medicare cuts and coverage is just ignoring the 5,000 lb elephant in the room--Humana, BCBS, Aetna, Metlife, Kaiser, etc etc. People aren't questioning premiums because 1) they need the coverage 2) the lobbyists are too powerful 3) it's easier to attack at the point-of-service. The nebulous middle man always gets away.

What's another couple hundred....?

My advice to people trying to save money is to NEVER get into road cycling. It is an incredibly addictive sport which is ridiculously fun and expensive. The following photo was captioned as "The Best-Looking Lemond Ever Made." I have to agree.

One of the dangers of making a salary and not paying rent is that you think you can afford things you really can't. I found a pristine 2001 Lemond Tourmalet with Selle Italia seat, Reynolds steel tubing, and Shimano tiagra components going for $350. I really shouldn't purchase it, but man is that a good deal. Someone help me.

Misgivings

It is not uncommon to feel anxiety when undertaking a huge task that involves a lot of time, effort, and money. Medical school is one of those things. People say that if you have not seriously considered quitting or choosing a different career, then you are probably crazy.

I think there is something to that.

There was an article in the NYT today entitled "Eyes Bloodshot, Doctors Vent Their Discontent" about physicians growing more and more dissatisfied with their careers. In the past, autonomy and real patient care could sustain the brutal working hours demanded by the profession, but nowadays, decreasing insurance reimbursement, increasing legal liabilities, and general exhaustion are driving doctors toward different careers--or even worse, depression.

Stories like that worry me a lot. It isn't enough for admissions officers to make sure that their students have "outside interests" to relieve stress. Yes, everyone needs a hobby. No, people do not need to be run into the ground. Do you want your doctor running on 3 hours of sleep to be making critical decisions about your health? Not reading your complete chart because it takes too much time and they only get paid based on volume?

I can see the rationale in overworking doctors. It's what the system has become. We're long past the days when you visited one primary care physician throughout your life. Now we have an arsenal of specialists with their newfangled instruments designed to milk insurance companies for all they're worth. After all, an MRI scan is more easily justifiable than "talking to patient about weight-loss strategies." It's always boggled me that lawyers can be paid to talk--even pick up the phone--while doctors don't. Both dispense advice, so why the discrepancy?

But of course, there is little sympathy to be had. Doctors, after all, make an amazing salary. Is it all that amazing though, to go through nearly 11 years of training (including undergrad classes and MCATs) and brutal residency to make some money to pay off $200,000-300,000 worth of loans? Most corporation CEOs do less than that and make a heck of a lot more. I consider the compensation just dues for such a difficult task. Maybe I'm expecting too much.

Or maybe I shouldn't do this at all. I like being able to take a ride along the Potomac River after work, meet up with friends, relax, have fun. I wonder if giving all of that up makes me crazy. When once I joked around about being a masochist, now I wonder if I really am.

Cycling Bliss

One of the great things about working is that I finally have time to take up the hobbies/interests/fetishes that I've always wanted to do as a student. For example, I wanted to go sculling, scuba diving, kite surfing, and real rock climbing in college. What I actually did was splash around in the tub, watch people fly kites, and climb knobby walls. Maybe I was just lazy, but actually, it was probably because I had no money.

So, now that I'm earning income and don't pay any rent, I can spend, SPEND SPEND!!! To prove my point, I just bought a new bike (see previous post).

However, this is not just ANY bike. It's a cool one. I can remember my early days on a bike. I was small, slow, and it wasn't a lot of fun. I think I rode it twice and for the rest of its dumpy life it sat outside, rusting. Suffice it to say, I didn't have much of an interest in bikes after that, but my Fuji is FAST (like all unbelievably awesome things in life; e.g., race cars, jet planes, a terrible date...).

It's awesomeness isn't only that it's light and quick, but it also gets me to school! In fact, there is a trail that takes me right to med school. I tested it today and it takes about 30 min, the parking is free, I don't have to pay for the metro, I'm not polluting the environment, AND I get exercise (goodness knows I'm not going to get any otherwise)! The bicycle is an amazing machine. Simple, perhaps, but some of the best things in life are...simple.

(On a related note, I almost got run over by a car when I lightly bumped some lady's bag and swerved into the road on my way home. The perils of green transportation! Never again will I touch a Gucci bag. Those things are killer. Literally).

I'm in Love...

People who don't believe in love at first sight have truly been deprived of a decent touring bike. After weeks of tirelessly refreshing the bicycle want ads on Craigslist, I finally stumbled upon this beauty:


It's a Fuji Del Ray--an awesome 19inch/48cm lightweight touring bike made in Japan. Its frame is Feather Si35 Triple-butted CroMo Ishiwata tubing with chrome fork and equipped with Shimano 105 Exage/Sport/Action components. It was made in the 1990's, but compared to the $800 Specialized and $300 Giant OCR 3s I've tried, the Fuji DR rides like a dream.

There are times in life when things just feel right. This test ride was one of them. Once I got on, I didn't want to stop. Weird for me, actually. The original seat was a bit uncomfortable, but after the seller offered to swap it for a Terry women's saddle, it rode like butter. So soft and smooth.

I shall call this beast Dr. Fuji in honor of its future role in transporting me to and from school. Everyday. Possibly in scrubs (^.^)