Due to popular demand, I have decided to resurrect this blog from death. No, I did not fall off the face of the planet, but rather got caught up in the little known, yet extreme sport of library loitering that I forgot how cathartic writing was (oh, how soon we forget our roots). Actually, I stopped because I forgot my login name and password and thus could not even access my own blog. In my defense though, I have created exactly 5,345,656,768,354 usernames and passwords in my entire life for random websites that I cannot possibly be bothered to remember except for maybe my bank account and Blackboard grades. Current bank account balance: (-$60,000).
Anyway, here's a little toast to what I hope will be a little less rocky beginning to the world of medicine. Ironically, I created this thing to document my life, only to find that there is very little of it. Nevertheless, I find happiness in the small pleasures of life, such as going to the toilet every couple hours and walking home from the library at 1 am. According to bagofnothing.com, the above photo is a "cordless lighted toilet seat," and I am convinced that I should own it one day. In fact, I would have asked for one for Christmas had I known of its existence, but since I just googled it 5 minutes ago, I suppose I'll have to wait another year for Santa to deliver the goods. In the day-to-day bustle of lectures and powerpoint slides, coming home to a neon blue, lighted toilet seat can be a godsend. All it needs is a nice motivational tune like Tupac's "Last Muthafucka Breathin'" after each flush. After 10 hours of hardcore studying, I damn well better be the "last motherfucka breathin'," you gunners be damned!
Anyway, I guess after a cordless lighted toilet seat, I should also ask for a taser. Given the unreliability of safe rides run by sketchy "service" fraternities (I want my Gray's Anatomy and BRS review books back!), I find walking home much, much faster. Besides, how awesome is tazing someone? You get all the satisfaction of electrocuting your attacker while avoiding 15 years' imprisonment for voluntary manslaughter (not to mention an opportunity to practice defibrillation! Two birds with one stone!).
So you see, med school has made me an incredibly hedonistic, yet practical person. While I cannot enjoy the finer joys of prostate massage induced by excretion, I can certainly admire the blinky blue lights of a toilet seat run by AAA batteries.
(Below: a demonstration of the tazing device).
